Resolutions Smesolutions

I probably won't keep them anyways.
So I won't disappoint myself in making a list of things to do that I'll never do anyways.

Does that make sense?

There's Something Magical About Ice...

I Started...

this whole big entry and forgot about it for almost two hours.

So to sum it up:
Thanksgiving was good. Break was good. Home was good. Even work was good.

15 days until the semester is over. One down and 7 to go.

I'll miss it the whole month that I'm home....but it'll be good to pump up ye old bank account.

So overall:

I have no complaints. I'm pretty happy. Annnd...I'm gonna go to sleep.

Times Square Can't Shine As Bright As You

My pictures got all out of order, but I'm too lazy to fix them. So I'll just explain them all.




Radio City...self explanitory.

This fountain. However I retouched it from the original. Now it looks like there's fire in the water.


I support the stage hand strike!


This is Herman. He's 13 inches long. And really big. Also it confirms the 'once you go black you never go back' theory.

The group sitting on Carrie's stoop!




Katie, Caitlin, and I in O'Neil's Bar.


St. Patricks. One word. Love.



Rent & Phantom. The two musicals I hold most dear to my heart.



Not something you see every day. A plane flying into Newark. Right over us. Eek!


Skyline.


The Apple Store. I was hoping that it would have been opaque, can't win them all.


Friar Fuck! What?!


The Pleasure Chest....where our lives changed forever.

Ya know, I just fucking love New York.

Where Have I been?

Busy. That's where.

Today's the first day that I can actually sit down and type something intelligent. Yay!

So everything seems to be going well lately. My, um illness has finally been determined as nonexistant. So that's one less thing to worry about. Classes are going well. Except that profs seem to enjoy throwing out random things at the end of the semester. Not fun. I'm still trying to find another class for the spring semester but nothing seems to be open that I would be willing to take and actually wouldn't sleep though.

I'm really ready for Thanksgiving break. I added half a day onto mine so I'll be home Tuesday night not Wednesday night. And I'm working...20 hours. Yay! Sounds like the perfect break to me. But at least I'll get to help decorate for my favorite holiday of the year.....Christmas. Let the baking of cookies and such begin!

NYC tomorrow. So if I get any decent pictures I'll probably post a picture blog....looooook for that these pictures could be interesting!

Hmmm Dashboard

Is there time

Is there time

To follow just one desire

Is there time

Is there time

To follow your heart.

Let's face it. Christopher Ender Carrabba

would be the only emo boy that I would ever go for.

Because his lyrics make me melt.

No matter what.

And, he's ungodly hot.

As I Sit Here

I'm still trying to figure out why those words popped out of my mouth. I don't think I meant them, and if it's not too late, I want to take them back. It's so typical of me, to have feelings for someone and when it comes down to it...I can't really tell them how i feel.

Here's the problem:
Before when I was in relationships, I wasn't in them necessairly for the connection, but more just to be in one. I was vulnerable when I was single and when I was with someone. So I didn't see the point of actually caring. And then....wham. I meet someone that I genuinely care about and I don't know what to do.

The truth is, I got scared. I still am scared. You aren't somebody that I want to lose. So that's why I put up the walls. I have no problem being perfectly honest and upfront about most things....but some things you just have to work at. It's not that I'm trying to be indecisive, believe me it's the last thing that I want to be. I'm afraid that if I let you go now or push you away one more time that you'll give up for good, and move on. And quite honesty I don't know if I'm ready for that.

But here's what I do know. I want you. And despite everything I've said, I want you right now. I'm not going to back out this time, I mean it. I'm afraid because this is something completely out of my hands, but if I can come to terms with that, it'll get better. And I won't be so scared anymore.

And I'm sorry that this isn't in person. And that it's a day later then it should be. But last night and all day today...I just couldn't stop thinking about what I said. And how horrible I felt, and still feel for it. And if you don't forgive me now then I understand....

but I want you to.

Remember Remember

the 5th of November.

Or. Don't.

I can't wait until

This week is over.

Trick-or-treat:

Photographs and Memories [week 9 of 15]

We make weird faces and color coordinate!

Joshy, Ben Frankin, & Curt.

Favorite picture of Meg & I...besides fish eye.

Hi-way robbery!

Our little friend.

Tigerwind is fearless. And wearing my jacket.

Best friends forever. We mean it.

Sunsets. My favorite.

A quite accutrate drawing of my face.

Hero <3

This was one of the best nights. Instructions on when it is proper to use urinals, how to stand at one correctly, examining the showers, watching boys go to the bathroom in the girls room, planning the mary green movie, trip to t. hill. Just awesome.

I call at 7:03

and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home.

But, I know it's too late

And I should have given you a reason to stay.

I had a lot more that I wanted to say.

But. My brain is exhausted right now. And Death Cab lyrics were all that I could get to come out.

T-TH

are always the longest days of the week.

Granted, it's when I have labs and Spanish, but they always seem to drag by.

Today, in particular. I had a bio lab that easily could have been done in a half an hour, instead it took two. And after walking back in the rain to my dorm, I was so tired that I slept from 10:50-12:15. But even that short nap felt like I had slept most of the day away. So I took a shower and did some work and ate my lunch. Then, Spanish. The dreaded class of the day. It used to go by so fast and now it's just like 'tick.........tock.' I swear I always almost fall asleep. It doesn't help that the classroom is windowless and in the basement of the one building.

And for some reason...T-TH seemed to be plagued with rain. Like Mother Nature knows that I have to walk from one corner of campus to the complete opposite. And most times it's bright and sunny when I leave in the morning, yet an hour or two later it's pouring. Just....stupid.

But alas, soon I'll have Spanish 3 days a week for 50 minutes. And I will no longer have labs that make my bum numb from sitting for so long. So yay. Because I'm almost done.

If I Only Would Have Known

That it was you in the car accident last Saturday night...

I found out tonight at work. And I almost cried.

They said you fell asleep behind the wheel and hit a guy head on. They told me that you were out cold, and you have internal bleeding, and a broken collar bone.

And then I start to think....that I should have stopped. Because I thought it was you, but I didn't know. How the hell was I supposed to know.

But you're alright. And you're getting better. And that's all the matters.

<3

Fall Break '07 Review

Asperusual, I'm a little late to recap things, and I'm minus any good pictures. But...Fall Break '07 Review. For you're viewing pleasure.

Saturday:
What did I do Saturday? Not much...I did watch Penn State slaughter whoever they played. And I worked from 5 til Midnight. Grand total for the evening $112. Not bad.

Sunday:
Slept in. Went shopping. Got a sweater. And some pants. Overall good day. My mommy made me an amazing dinner. And then I got bored and went back to school. When I got back, I was called upon by Sir Curt, Tanisha, Laura, Oliver, and Talker Kid [I still don't know his real name. He's from Nuevo York and has a story for everything]. Anywho, luckly Curt and I escaped from Talker Kid but we left everyone stranded. We went to watch Donnie Darko. Stupid movie. But Curt got sick half way through [I know I know....so McLovin-esque of 'Yeah, I came half way through] so we didn't get to finish the movie. I uh, 'make him queasy.' Haha. Went back to mi dormitorio. Slept in so late.

Monday:
Made it to lunch....barely? Did some homework and reading. Wrote a paper. Katie came back around 4. So we told stories and raved about how much food we brought back. It's the little things that keep us happy, honestly. Went to dinner with Kaite, Curt...other people. Then Curt, Oliver and I went bowling. Oh what an experience honestly. I did horrible. Curt beat me. Oliver was....Oliver? Too funny. Future bowling dates to follow. Then back to campus....fun times in Funk with the group. Started planning the Mary Green movie. And watched 'The Shark' appear on the whiteboard. T.K. reappeared and broke up the party. Also, sometime during the day Oliver put the best poster ever on Josh's door....and he blamed it on me...his fucking whore? haha

Tuesday:
The tour of downtown Annville with Katie and Aaron. Went to lunch, walked up and down Main Street. Katie and I picked out all the furnishings that we want in our homes. Pretty exciting! Got a new hat and I love it. Decided that we were hungry for Red Robin, but Aaron didn't want to go, so Katie and I went for dinner. Yum! Did some shopping, got a new wallet. Oh boy! Came back, did more homework and watched B.L.

Overall, it was pretty good. Can't complain. And I will definately be staying for the whole break next year. I loved the silence that was around all the time, not waiting in line for anything, actually being able to get a table at the library, and screeching in the halls of the res halls at all hours of the morning.

Truly amazing. I love this place. Home.

Hold Up

Wait a minute.

Put a little booooom in it.

It's just been one of those days.

Bipper Board?

Thank goodness for college.

Thank goodness for whiteboards.

Thank goodness for crazy people who write on them.

Like me.

To Change or Not to Change

That is the question.

As of right now, I'm sick of being a biology major. I don't like how they teach it, nor do I really like anything about it. I'm tired of studying my ass off for hours every night of the week to get average results that I'm not used to getting. Yes, true, I knew I wouldn't be the best at what I was doing and that's why they call it learning, but biology doesn't make me happy anymore. I cannot see myself working in a lab or teaching or continuing on to get a masters and whatnot in something that won't really be....me. Sure, I was good at it in high school, but just because I was good at it there doesn't mean I'll be good at it here.

So, I'm considering my options. 1. Nursing. 2. English. 3. Sociology. The English would include a minor in photography or art.

1. Nursing. I know what you're saying. Isn't that the same thing as biology? Yes and no. I mean, yes I would be taking bio classes, but they would be more hands on, less bubbly bullshit then what I'm taking now. I'd be done and working in two years, and since nurses are in such high demand right now, I wouldn't have a problem finding a job. The upside is that every day holds the potential to have something different. You could never fully walk in the doors of a hospital and expect to have the same things happen that did the day before. The element of suprise, the rush. I think I would love it. But....

2. English. The possibilities with an English degree are almost endless. Journalism. Teaching. Working for a TV station. Theartre. Editing. I've loved books and writing since I was in elementary school. To me, writing is almost second nature. I don't have a probem putting things in to words. I love telling stories. And again, it wouldn't have to be the same thing every day. I could be out there writing for newspapers or magazines, or sharing my love of books and authors and writing styles with either students or the American public. Do you know how awesome that would be? It would be amazing.

3. Sociology. A chance to help people but in a different sort of way from the biology aspect. I could venture into social work, do research projects for companys, teach at a college. Although it's not as hardcore as my other two choices, it is something that comes easily to me. And interesting? For sure. Getting to study trends in various cultures, learning about different cultures, comparing and contrasting things....I don't think it could get any better then that.

So while biology did seem to be my bread and butter back in highschool, it wasn't the only thing I was good at. Like that time I had a 93 or better all four quarters in English? Why could that have been? Probably because it's something that I love and hold close to my heart. So why not take a chance and try something new. It's not being a failure. It's considering options.

Life changes. And throws you curves. It's how you deal with them that shows your true character.

Let's Be Honest

Cuddling is the most fun thing on the planet.

And sometimes that's all I want.

Is someone to cuddle with.

Okay?

Ok.

Asperusual

I've got some things to say. Really quite random topics that make perfect sense to me. Here goes...

Currently playing: Azure Ray

I'm a proud user of last.fm. It pretty much means that any song I play on iTunes is scrobbed and updated to a program that keeps count of how many times I listen to a particular song, artist, cd..whatever. Honestly, as of 10:12 pm I've scrobbed 2,140 songs, and I've had my computer since the beginning of August. I'd be kidding myself if I said that music wasn't a huge part of my life. It really is something that I can't live without, and it's something that continues to amaze me. Rediscovering songs and artists that I haven't heard in awhile, finding new bands to listen to, going to shows...ahh it's just a rush. I can't explain. And figuring out the meaning behind songs....good songs, songs that bring out 20 different emotions at once...absolutely amazing.

From music to movies. Honestly, movies aren't what they used to be. I guess it's because I like that classics. Breakfast at Tiffanys, Rebel Without a Cause. The Audrey Hepburns and the James Deans. They define classic American cinema at it's best. And here we sit trying to indie-ize everything because that's what the American public wants right now. Indie everything. Well fuck indie and get back to basics. I just want to see a movie that has a beginning, a middle and an end. No complications and easy to follow. If I'm watching a movie and get lost in the "super thick and oh so suspenseful plot' in the first five minutes well then just fuck it I'm done. Maybe it's because I'm simple and easily amused? Or maybe I just like things straightforward and to the point. Whatever it happens to be, just give me a movie that is complex enough but doesn't leave me feeling lost and decieved at the end. Geeze um.

So here I sit at my computer. Indian Style, glasses on, my Dartmouth hoodie and old sweats. Completely at home while being miles away from anything or anyone that remotely resembles what home really is. If you ask me I haven't changed but people would beg to differ, I know they do. The people that you know well don't think so, infact most of the times it seems like it's the other way around. To 'go home' for the weekend means going back into territory that I don't own anymore, where I'm not the top of anything, I'm just the visitor with the key to unlock the front door. Almost like I'm interferring with everybody's plans when I get back? It's odd.

Okay. I'm done for now.

I think that I should start to write every day. But that'll never happen. Even if I wish that I would.

Currently playing: Mae
Tracks scrobbed: 2,171

Say anything, but
Say what you mean
When you whisper you want this
Your eyes tell the same
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe
Cause I’m caught in suspension

Cherish these days

Enjoy every breath like it may be the last you your life.
And never look back, no never look back
Cause you wont regret why you cry.

I'm at home again this weekend, and I don't have to work or anything. It's a nice change, not having to worry about who I won't get to see because I'm working. I was so excited to come home this weekend, but I miss my LVC friends so much. It's hard to believe that you can become so close to people in such a short amount of time. They really are like my second family. And I miss my second home. I miss the smell of pop corn in Funk West third floor at all random hours. And people constantly talking. And bad food.

I'm worried about Christmas break already. I mean, a whole month without these people that I've become used to being around all the time. What will I do? It will be great to spend time with my high school friends, but let's be honest. The only two I really talk to a lot a lot anymore is Megan and Katelyn. And I know we'll always be there for eachother. But it's not the same. They don't understand the need to go to Mj's on a Monday night, or the fun of a random T. Hill run, or why going to Walmart on a Tuesday night is the best thing ever.

Day Two (Technically 3 I guess) of College

So I'm finally here. And I guess it's a good feeling to be out on my own. It was a bit stressful with all the oritentation bullshit but other than that I'm having a great time. I'm glad that Aaron is here, it's good to have a familiar face to see around. And make noodles in my room at 1:45 in the morning.

I'm tired. But I'm not hungry. The food is pretty good here. And I've got a meeting tomorrow at 10:20.

Therefore I'm leaving. More to come once classes start.

<3 me

Nine Days To Go

This past week has been horrible on so many levels, I can't wait until it's over.
I'm tired of this rollercoaster ride. I don't want to deal with it anymore. Honestly, what do you want me to do? I have a feeling that I'm overannalyzing the situation and probably making it worse than it is but it's not like you're helping the situation much with some of the things that you say.
I'm ready to wave the white flag. I'm almost done, I really am.

I don't trust people easily. It's hard for me. It takes time. And now I just dont know.

But, the weather the past two days was amazing and I got some good picture time in.

That's about the highight of me week. Which, by the way is really sad.

I want to talk to you...

The last time we talked, Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears.



Yeah, I want to be like Grace Kelly.

I regret to inform

that this summer has been somewhat uneventful.

Not at all what I pictured it to be but....

Meggers and I are getting friendship tattoos. Hopefully, if my parental units will allow it.

Did I

take a step too far?

I think I did.

Wow

Today I got a letter in the mail, and it let me know that I actually do make a difference to people. Actually, it made me cry. Happy tears.

It says:

Brittany -

Sometimes you meet someone and you just like them instantly - you are one of those people for me. I saw you twice last weekend and both times you took a moment to chat - even if I am just "Luke's Mom." Often it is the little things that stand out in our memories. Your parents must be so proud of you as you venture off to college. I had forgotten you were a senior this year. Not many day days left for high school - which is both a scary and exciting. Many experiences in life are like that but you are up for the challenge. Each struggle is just another opportunity to grow.

Here's just a little cash to help out with some of the cash flow struggles that college creates...lol...Stay sweet, kind, down to earth, and focused on positive things and the rest will fall into place. Keep us posted and best of luck as you begin your college journey.

And so I proceeded to cry. Because it just lets me know that I do make a difference.

2 more days. That's it.

ugh

Hit the button.

Hit the emergency eject button.

Just hit it now.


Thanks, jackass.

If You Only Knew

How much fun I had today.

I don't think anyone can begin to understand.

I was amused in so many ways.

Good times:

Round 1:

Me: Do you really think you need three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?
Jordan: What are you talking about...there's only two. See, one, two, three.

Round 2:

Jordan: Here comes the broccoli airplane...
Me: Screw you Jordan I hate broccoli. (Watches broccoli fall in fruit cup.) Damn you. You dropped that shit into my fruit-cup.
Jordan: Here, let me scoop that out for you.
Me: No, no don't bother. You've officially ruined it. It's done.

Round 3:

Jordan: Can I put my airplane into your secret hatch?
Me: What? Is that a sexual innuendo? And no, you can't. Not in front of the children.

The one that pushes me into doors and drops broccoli into my fruitcup and makes fun of my blue blue tan[blue] shirt. Yea. You. <3

If I could do these things, I would.

If I could stop:
eating JollyRancher JellyBeans I would.
being overly sarcastic I would.
thinking about you I would.

If I could turn back time:
I wouldn't have stooped so low to get your attention.
or pissed off my best friend for you during the Washington D.C. trip.
or cheated on you.
I would have gotten help for stats from the beginning.
and never written you the note saying that I didn't want to be your friend anymore.

I want to:
tell you how I really felt. Or feel. I'm not sure which context to use.
dance around like no one is watching.
and drink from the [chocolate] milk carton.
wear flip flops in the snow.
and lay under the stars.

But:
I'm here. And I am who I am. And I'm not going to change myself and conform to what I should be like. Because then I'd just be cheating myself.

I've finally accepted me for me.
So [hopefully] every one else can too.

The Proper Way to Eat a Fortune Cookie - Who Knew?!

As told by me, through my experience at the Mongolian Buffet with Andy, Kate, and Anthony. First, open the package. This is important. Next, crack the cookie down the middle, and remove the fortune slip...but don't look at it. This is key. Now eat the cookie, and it must be completely consumed before the final step. Once its gone, read your fortune. Hopefully it actually makes sense...Okay. I just thought I'd share that.

I'd like to say goodbye to my Easter Vacation, because it's pretty much gone now. Other than that, the weeks been pretty uneventful. I've pretty much finished my graduation project, so all I have to do is give my presentation. Then I'm home free! =] States is in two weeks. And I'm a freakin out. I don't feel ready enough. I took some snazzy pictures yesterday. Of the kittens and birds in the snow.