Not A Good Day

It seems that the never ending load of things to pile up on me has finally succeeded in bringing me down. I'm tired, I have that 'I'm starting to feel sickly' feeling in the back of my throat and I've got enough work this week to last me until November. Now if you take that and add in everything that I have to do for APO (3 hours of pledge class studying, 2 hours with the big, meal visits with each brother and a room visit for each and whatever service hours I can get) I'm really starting to feel the pressure.

I'm ready to give up, but I don't want to fail. Blah. I've still got 4 more weeks to go. Talk about insanity. I'll be lucky if I have any hair left by the end of this.

It's About Time I Post This

about time it sees the light of day.

Some People Might Call it Beautiful

I have my own mind...

in which I speak my own words.
Sometimes strong. Other times weak, indecisive.
Sometimes witty and smart. Other times careless.

in which I make my own decisions.
Sometimes planned. Other times on impulse, stupid.
Sometimes calculated and beneficial. Other times irrational.

in which I see my imperfections.
Sometimes obvious. Other times sheltered, disclosed.
Sometimes invisible, unnoticed. Other times blatant.

in which I hide my past.
Sometimes in shame. Other times for fear, sadness.
Sometimes in vain and selfishness. Other times blame.
Always painful.

in which I see my future.
Sometimes clear. Other times clouded, unsure.
Sometimes perfect, successful. Other times failing.

I have my own mind.
I speak.
I make.
I see.
And I hide.

Just Kidding...

I'm back.

I Moved

Beach Bloggin...

Okay, day two at the beach. So far, the weather has been perfect...plenty of sunshine and a constant ocean breeze. Add a side of extreme sunburn and you've got two days down in Wildwood, NJ.

Here's what I love about the beach. Seeing as I only get down there once a year, I find nothing more exhilerating then the first trip down in the sand on the first day you get into town. Forget about unpacking or eating, just let me go. I pick the perfect spot to lay my blanket and rush down to put my feet in the water. It's so cold...but I don't care. After that I walk back to the blanket and let the lull of the ocean put me to sleep....while I burn to a crisp.

Eek. I hate being pale.

Hmm, Well

today was slightly better. I feel as though I'm slowly (really slowly) getting kinda back to normal. Last night's chat helped me a lot, and it was good to just talk about other things for a while.

Other news...other news...

This summer blows.

All We Can Do

is keep breathing.

Just Keep Your Eye On The Skies

I want to travel the world.

I miss my friends. My real friends.

I want to write every day of my life for the next however many years and enjoy every damn word I put down in print.

I want kids. Eventually. Not for eight to ten years. But I want them. No matter what I say.

I just want to do something good in the world.




Honestly.

I'm Not Sure About This

job 24/7 this summer.

I hope I'm not going to miss out on too much.

Paige Got Me Thinking....

About New York City. And all the glitz and glam that surrounds it, when deep down it's no different than anywhere else. 

I'm a firm believer in the statement 'I Love NY' and I'll even go as far to say that 'I Fucking Love NY.' It is one city that has a special place in my heart, I've been there so many times and seen so much that it wouldn't be fair to consider it just one of my favorite places to go for the day.

So my history of NYC.

November of 1997: At the great age of 8, I took my first trip to the Big Apple. And it was, from what I remember, quite amazing. I went with my grandparents, my aunt, and some of their friends. I got a special outfit just for the occasion (with shoes that turned out to be disasterous for walking in the city) and we were off to see the Rockettes at Radio City before I knew it. My parents told me about beggars and street vendors before I had left, but as an 8 year old, you can't really comprehend that until you're forced to face to face. Within moments of stepping off the bus, people were trying to sell me watches and sun glasses, men on crutches were asking me for quarters. I was ready to pack it up and leave, but we started to walk around, and I became enchanted. We went everywhere, Central Park, Bryant Park, Times Square, St. Patrick's...you name it, we were there. When it was time to leave I was hooked, there was no way I'd stay away, that city stole my heart.

I've been there countless times since then. Some trips I can remember clearly, others not so much. I've seen some great shows, like Phantom of the Opera and RENT (twice!) and I've walked around more blocks than I ever would in any other city. I live for subway rides and the smell on the streets. I light my three candles in St. Patrick's every time I can. My face still lights up when I walk into Times Square at night. I live for the hustle and bustle that's going on all day and night. And I always leave feeling the same way.

I want to live in the city that never sleeps. I want to be able to live, breathe and taste the different cultures that blend seamlessly to form one working city. I want to live in the greatest city on Earth. 

But I've always been that way, wanting to get out of the corn fields and tractor towns and onto something bigger, better.

Hopefully I'll get there.

I am

scandalous.

Never, ever thought I'd do that.

But it was fun. :-)

This Spring and Summer...

I'm going to wear lots and lots of plaid.

I'm slightly obsessed with it.


Yeah. Just a little bit.

I Hate It

here so much.

You cant even begin to understand.





I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand. Fo real.

I'm Baccccccccccck

However, I don't exactly want to be back.

Never the less, this weekend was quite fantastic. I enjoyed every minute of it.

And on a side note:

I love being in love.

:)

This Tension Is

so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

34 more days.

I'm Hoping That

these next few days go by rather quickly.

I'm ready for a change of scenery. To lose myself in the city.

I won't lie. I'm terribly bored with Annville.

I Love This Poem

It was read tonight at my college's production of The Vagina Monologues. Thank goodness for Maya Angelou.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size

But when I start to tell them

They think I'm telling lies.

I say

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips The stride of my steps

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please

And to a man

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees

Then they swarm around me

A hive of honey bees.

I say

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth

The swing of my waist

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say

It's in the arch of my back

The sun of my smile

The ride of my breasts

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say

It's in the click of my heels

The bend of my hair

The palm of my hand

The need for my care.

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Simple Random Surveys (And I'm Automatically Bored)

It is physically and mentally impossible for me to pay attention during my 80 minute Tuesday/Thursday math class.

I've figured out that it's a good thing that I can teach myself this stuff, because the professor isn't very helpful and goes on and on about his magic desk.

Things that I do that cause me to have ADD for 3 hours a week.

1. Who I sit next to. He distracts me with notes and pictures all class long. Not to mention the random noises he makes (think Gary from Sponge Bob).

2. I'm usually always eating or drinking something.

3. I have a TI-83. You know, with Mario Brothers and Tetris. It requires a parental lock.

4. Meg and I text and bitch about our horrible math classes. She has a Stuttering Stanley and I have a Weeble Wobble that just won't fall down.

5. Math just plain sucks.

6. I'm thinking about my devotion of TTH napping, and I start counting down after 10 am even though I've still got 50 minutes left.

7. Split ends.

8. On Thursday I usually plan out my weekends. I've got to plan them out sometimes.

I randomly turned into class and he's talking about Black Magic and I see that URANIUM is written in big letters across the chalkboard and I say WTF?

Oh, and colored marshmallows.

My Simple (Sad Yet True) Motto For How I Live My Life

While most people have an exceptionally bright outlook on things, I'm still slightly pessimistic. I go by the 'don't get overly excited for something because when it doesn't work out you can't be that disappointed' way of thinking. However, since college started, I drifted away from that little mantra and began to look at things differently.

I took the change of major in Biology not as being something I couldnt do, but realized that I couldn't see myself doing everyday of my life for the next 40-some years.

I took the loss of friends that I've known for 13 years as out lives chnging as a mere positive thing since they helped make me who I was for the new people that I would get to meet.

And then, there's the job that you'd be perfect for. And that you'd go to pretty much any length to get. You've got people pumping you up about it for months. Finally, it's interview time, and you walk in to see some not so friendly faces and find yourself being asked about how your lack of varsity experience will allow you to coach swimmers with more experience than you.

You walk out the door and automatically know that you're sunk. You can tell and don't need to wait the week for the letter, but eventaully the letter comes to confirm what you've already known for the past 8 days. But you still cry and wonder why.

And from just that simple rejection letter, I snap back in to how I was before college, and why I lived by that motto.

And I wish that I didn't.

Go Hillary...??

If I wasn't sure who I was voting for before today, I definately have no clue who I'm voting for now. I would love for Obama to come to LVC and convince me otherwise but until then...pictures from today!

N.Y.C. - March '08 Edition

Really really windy at Girard Ave Station.

The busride to N.Y.C. (New favorite picture)

First experience with Nathan's Hotdogs at 8th & 43rd.

At Teany Cafe in the Lower East Side with Jason...

...and deep in conversation with Ed.

Grumpy face. I don't even remember having this picture taken. Blame that on my six sips of a sidecar and a Poma Peach.


Final destination: Philly.

Shameless Self Promotion

If you would all be so kind as to go here, and read my blog for mass comm that would be fantastic. I mean, it's my outlet for musical creations by others, so read some, and comment some, and let me know what you think.

I'm thanking you ahead of time, don't let me down. :-)

Art?

Orrr not so much.

Mostly just something for me to do to waste some time.

Hey, it's better than sleeping.

Guess who

is one happy camper right now?


Oh, that's right. I am.


:)

Study Abroad

in 2009.







Seems horribly far away right now.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. UGH.

I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.


Except I'm not.

In Fourth Grade

My brother wrote a character sketch about me, and I found it the other day. It kinda made me cry a little, so I've decided to share it, including the spelling mistakes, because I think that adds to the charm.

Blake Tobias, Charter Sketch

Brittany is a very good sister. She is tall with blond hair. She also has blue eyes. She is very skiny. She is as skiny as a pancake. Brittany carries a cell phone with her. She often wears a red shirt and blue jeans. Brittany carries a purse with a butterfly on it. She likes to swim. Brittany sometimes plays water polow.

Brittany works for Konoplski's food service. She washes the dishes as much as a dish washer working none stop. She gets there early so she can set up the food. She sets up the glasses for the drinkes.

Brittany listons to music. She listons to music as much as a bair hibernateing. She listens to rock. Her batterys run out every week. She takes mine every time she has no bateries. It gets so inoing when I get yelled at for losing it. When she has it. Now you know somethings about Brittany.

Haha, for as much as I make fun of the kid, I love him.

Oh, And By The Way...

Happy New Year.

Judging on how the first hour and a half went, I hope that the rest of the year goes much better.
Cause I'd really like that.

And also, cell phones are exceptionally gay this time of year. So if there's someone you really want to talk to, call them before midnight.

Yay for the first new thing learned in 2008.